Why Disengaged?
Well I have a long history of disengagement and disconnection. When I go back to childhood, it started from a very young age.
Some of the scenarios I remember that relate well to disengagement are:
Sitting back in the car and saying nothing.
Numbing my tears whenever I am shouted at.
Having no friendship in school and decide to focus on studies only.
Staying quite and invisible to not cause discomfort around me.
Having no opinion of my own and believing my superiors are always right.
Lack of trust in anyone and decide to sit alone and isolated.
Thinking people are there to get me and I got to be careful and alert.
And on and on such mental cycles exist.
Later with life experiences and lessons learned, I learned this: Disengagement leads to loss of creativity and innovation. The learning becomes absolute and robotic. The liveliness and authenticity are stripped off. People become more and more disconnected and isolated. We also lose the chance to connect, get to know each other on a deeper level and craft loving and human memories with one another.
I don’t say it is easy to detengle this thought pattern of disengagement and disconnect. But I rather encourage you to dare take one step back, observe, reflect and work with this pattern patiently. Of course there would be lots of pain, discomfort and tears in the process. That’s normal because of the healing and recovery that needs to happen. And most importantly, to remember retrieving back our long lost humanity and right to express ourselves as we are, real, human and authentic.