Distanced from Writing

This period of time have been different.

I occasionally write according to my circumstances and state of mind and heart.

One side of me is the blame: You didn’t copy the writings from your journal into the website. You are not good enough. You are not meant for writing. It was never for you.

It is interesting to observe my critical self blaming me and putting all that heavy weight on me.

Then another part of me is love: It is ok if you occasionally write. Your writing doesn’t define you. It is not who you really are. It is just a part of you. You are far more bigger than it. If you write or if you don’t write, I am with you. If you succeed or fail, it is ok. I am still here with you. And I will always be with you.

Since we shifted to our new home, the settling of our routines have been fluid and fluctuating.

We have cleaning routines, meal prepping routines, chilling with kids routine, teaching routines, skin and hair care routines and so on.

I noticed if I think, I would take longer to take action. But if I take action after roughly weighing the pros and cons, my mental activity is less triggered.

I don’t know why. But I have been addicted to thinking and mental hyper activity from a very young age. It is so appealing and attractive to think, dream, imagine and mental prepare. But then it gets exhausting and slows down the taking action process.

At the end, I conclude writing to me is a reflective process. It gives me the chance to understand what is happening inside my mind and heart. It mirrors back my thinking process and the mental knots I have. It also declutters whatever confusions and stereotypes I might be carrying many years ago. And it opens doors for me to think outside the box and be easy and gentle on myself.