Home as Primary and Outside as Secondary

After so much inner reflection and processing, I reached a point where I am settled with the fact that my best secured place is home. There is where I spend most of my precious time with my kids. There is where I conduct my daily routines of cleaning, decluttering, sorting, organizing, reading, writing, cooking, gardening, organizing gatherings, praying, working-out, chilling, taking naps, watching TV, having meals, having family conversations and so on.

Earlier in my life, it was not like that. I used to be hyper vigilant thinking I should serve. I should fix the situation. I should be outside saving other people lives. I should be people pleasing and do everything I can to please, support and accommodate.

Then, in my mid thirties, this wake-up moment happened when this question sneaked into my mind: What am I doing to myself? What is this madness? Does all this make any sense? Will this behavior make my kids learn something useful in the long run? Where does this belief fit in my emotional and mental wellbeing?

Asking these scary and hard questions made me realize this harsh fact. You are not here to please others. You are not here to fix other people problems, thoughts and feelings. Just pay attention to your needs, your situation, your thoughts and your direct surroundings. Be aware of how you distribute your limited capacity and energy. You are human. You are not a super woman. Be ok with what you have. And it is ok if others don’t meet your specific expectations. We all are different. We learn different. We perform differently. Our speeds are also different. And our journeys to the outcomes we desire are also different. So no need to blame or judge yourself or anyone. It is all ok.