I Was There Once

I was invigilating that day. I looked at the students writing answers on their question papers.

I told myself: I was there once. Nervous. Worried. Didn’t know what my life would look like. How can I support my family. How can I stand with my own feet financially.

Another scene: Watching a lady so sweet, polite, accommodating, pleasing and nice. Talking to everyone. Saying hello to both strangers and non strangers. Doing all the actions to make everyone happy and calm.

I tell myself: I was there once. So mashed with the environment set-up. I suppressed my feelings. I numbed my pain. I protected myself by creating this niceness syndrome. So I don’t feel the pain ever again. I did all those things until one day I collapsed, crushed and woke up to this question: What am I doing to myself? Does this make any sense?