Vulnerability or Defence?
Defence mechanism is something unconsciously ingrained in many of us. It means to defend yourself when you believe you are right and the other person is wrong. It shows up in statements like: Excuse me, you can’t judge me like that. Or: Let me prove to you otherwise.
It can also come in the form of silent treatment. When you don’t like something, instead of speaking up and expressing yourself constructively, you go quite and silent assuming that the other person will understand the messages of your silent treatment.
I can’t deny. I used this concept a lot in the past. It feels like a protection shield around you. It is like you protecting and securing yourself from judgment, blame, critic and getting hurt.
After listening to many talks and audiobooks of Dr. Brene Brown, I realize that self-defence hinders our human potential and natural humanity. We have got a deep need to be human, to express ourselves fully, to be seen, to be understood for who we really are and to be valued as unique and different individuals.
Interestingly, she talks about a concept called vulnerability. She mentioned it as a way to come out humbly, open up, be empathic and connect wholeheartedly. She also linked it with courage and daring. If you want to show up and do hard and emotional labour, you got to be vulnerable first.
Reversing our thoughts and reengineering our thinking process can get overwhelming sometimes.
But the best part is to explore such new concepts in everyday life and find out for ourselves what works and what doesn’t.
Finally, after practicing vulnerability in several parts of my relationships like parenting, marital, professional or extended family relationships, I notice the following benefits:
Some people disappear while others come out expressive and sharing their stories.
True and meaningful connection happens.
A lot of suppressed and buried emotions get recovered, processed and healed.
We uncover the conditioning mask we have been wearing for long time and show our truest, authentic and genuine selves.
We gain closeness, intimacy, empathy and understanding in our relationships.
A lot of mental and emotional burdens get released in the process.